Lots of things have changed in my life since then, and it has improved significantly, but nobody really wants to hear about all that shit, sooo lets skip it.
Also, I have assistance from a friend now who edits this stuff for me since I am very messy and unorganized, so credit and shout out to Dr. Hammer.
Anyway, today I came across something on Facebook that got me thinking...
Bullying is bad, and this little exercise here isn’t ‘wrong’ per se, but I don’t necessarily agree with the angle it's going for. For starters, the looks on those kids faces could be genuine - they could be looking shocked because that reaction is the expected social norm and thus the social pressure makes them follow along, or they could actually be concered about it but then the impact would then wear off in a few hours or a week or so. I don’t know, I am speculating here.
But even though this is a nice thing to read, I doubt it really brings us any closer to solving the ‘problem’.
I was bullied alot when I was younger, and if I could go back in time now and stop it, protect myself, punish those who were picking on me (I’m sure a lot of bullying is people doing just this anyways, taking matters into their own hands and meting out their own personal justice), that kinda thing, I wouldn’t.
I would let things take the course that they have, because all that bullying made me who I am, it forged me in the fires and gave me strength to live my life by.
But even though this is a nice thing to read, I doubt it really brings us any closer to solving the ‘problem’.
I was bullied alot when I was younger, and if I could go back in time now and stop it, protect myself, punish those who were picking on me (I’m sure a lot of bullying is people doing just this anyways, taking matters into their own hands and meting out their own personal justice), that kinda thing, I wouldn’t.
I would let things take the course that they have, because all that bullying made me who I am, it forged me in the fires and gave me strength to live my life by.
Now not all of us are so lucky, plently of people have been really screwed up by bullying and abuse, but I think there are better ways to deal with this problem, or rather, a better way of looking at it.
“Bullying is wrong and evil and we should stand up to it and stop bullying.”
This is a noble view/standpoint, but unfortunately its too idealistic - you will never be able to stop bullying no matter what you do; it's an unfortunate but real part of human psychology and it will always be around.
Some bullies just don’t care, a lot of them don’t realize that they are being bullies, or they go to denial and try to rationalise their actions in some way that sounds ‘fair’ or ‘okay’ and thus not bullying.
I myself have been guilty of this before, and I imagine just about everybody has at some point in their life fallen into that trap.
I have seen people give talks on it at schools, I have been to school that has ‘a strict zero tolerance policy towards bullying’, but in the end, that doesn’t make much of a dent in things, at least not in my experience.
So where am I going with this?
Well in an ideal world nobody should have to put up with abuse or bullying, but sadly people DO have to put up with it, and they DO get scarred from it.
But scars aren’t always necessarily a bad thing, or at least they don’t have to be.
Now I realize that the above can be seen as very ignorant, insensitive and far too ‘optimistic’ but I assure you I have some deep scars of my own, I have been there, and I can tell you, you have to learn to rise above it, you need to find your fighting spirit.
There is alot of focus on stopping bullying because it leaves people with scars, but if bullying is inevitable, then so are those scars, so there should be more focus on dealing with those scars.
You can take those scars, those weaknesses, those faults, and make them your strengths, or learn to balance them out with other things.
Well in an ideal world nobody should have to put up with abuse or bullying, but sadly people DO have to put up with it, and they DO get scarred from it.
But scars aren’t always necessarily a bad thing, or at least they don’t have to be.
Now I realize that the above can be seen as very ignorant, insensitive and far too ‘optimistic’ but I assure you I have some deep scars of my own, I have been there, and I can tell you, you have to learn to rise above it, you need to find your fighting spirit.
There is alot of focus on stopping bullying because it leaves people with scars, but if bullying is inevitable, then so are those scars, so there should be more focus on dealing with those scars.
You can take those scars, those weaknesses, those faults, and make them your strengths, or learn to balance them out with other things.
How?
I wish I could tell you, I wish it were that easy.
But a good first step I suppose is to realize that you are not alone, that there are people who understand, and people who care, and that having scars isn’t something you should be ashamed of, it doesn’t make you less or a person, it doesn’t make you ugly or unwanted.
It's actually quite the opposite, they increase your value.
People with scars have been through things, it builds wisdom, character, and understanding (which in term breeds empathy as the old saying going) but only if you are able to deal with those scars in the proper process, and that process starts with not trying to do it all by yourself, it starts with finding support and comfort in others, because when it comes down to it, humans by their very nature are social and need other people to function.
So I think maybe there should be less of a call for bullying to stop, and more of a push towards supporting victims of bullying, and I know that schools have counsellors and whatnot, but that isn’t really a great system, people will only seek out help if they want it, and in our society, seeking out help like that somehow translates to ‘there is something wrong with you, you are a freak, you are wierd, you have mental problems, you are unstable’. (enough comma's for you kids?)
This is really sad because that's not true at all, people need support to function, its a good thing that helps, not a bad thing that you should be ashamed of, so why are we making people feel ashamed?
So to end on an appropriate metaphor, you cannot become a beautifully folded origami swan, without first being creased and crumpled.
So yeah, thats my take on things, probably worth noting that this is from a male perspective.
Feel free to add/talk about your own experiances in the comments section :)
